A friend sent me this. Apart from the humoress side of it, its interesting to look at the structure of the English language and reflect on the extent to which it:
1. Reflects how English-speakers speak
2. Impacts on the way English-speakers speak.
As will be apparent the English language is very illogical. It borrows words from everywhere, and there is no logic at all for the arrangement, no consideration of whether the terminology will be easy or hard to learn. I think if I was Asian president I would attempt to create a new 'logic' based language that is easier to learn, and solicit the support of other countries. Clearly people need to be united by communication. Why not make it easier. Sure starting afresh would make it initially hard, particularly because there is no one to practice on.
I personally think it would be easier to modify an existing language than start afresh. I dont know many languages, but Japanese strikes me as a very easy language to learn because words consistently sound as they spell. There is a great deal of logic to the language. The problem with Japanese is that its characters are anti-conceptual, but that is easily overcome by shifting to a romanised interpretation.
The problem with language is that people always attempt to change it, I guess in an attempt to be different, to convey style. But at the end of the day I think they want to be understood. Will society accept a codified language? Can you have enforcement of a language, or is language always destined to be corrupted? The Japanese seem to maintain the integrity of their language. They are a very disciplined culture, but it has more to do with compliance than belief in the system. Is that a price worth paying to retain a consistent language - I think not!
I dont know what the Chinese language is like. I dont like the way it sounds, though it does not sound so bad from the mouths of educated people. I guess its like Japanese, and could similarly be romanised. There is the clear benefit that Chinese people represent 1.3 billion of the world's 4.7 billion people. And might the Chinese government want to integrate its people under one language? This seems like the place to start.
I wonder if poetry would sound the same?
Can        you read these right the first time?
1)        The bandage was wound        around the wound.        
2)        The farm was used to produce        produce.
3)        The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse. 
4) We        must polish the        Polish         furniture. 
5) He        could lead if he        would get the lead        out. 
6)        The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the        desert.        
7)        Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time        to                                present the        present .        
8) A        bass was painted on        the head of the bass        drum. 
9)        When shot at, the dove        dove into the bushes. 
10) I        did not object to the        object.        
11)        The insurance was invalid for the invalid. 
12)        There was a row among        the oarsmen about how to row . 
13)        They were too close        to the door to close        it. 
14)        The buck does funny        things when the does        are present. 
15) A        seamstress and a sewer fell down into a        sewer line.        
16)        To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow. 
17)        The wind was too        strong to wind the        sail.
18)        Upon seeing the tear        in the painting I shed a tear.        
19) I        had to subject the        subject to a series        of tests. 
20)        How can I intimate        this to my most intimate friend?        
        
       
Let's        face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor        ham in hamburger. Neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins        weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are        candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English        for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can        work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from        Guinea, nor is it a pig. 
       
Moreover,        why is it that writers write; but fingers don't fing; grocers don't groce;        and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the        plural of booth, beeth? One goose, two geese. So one moose, two meese! One        index, two indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends, but        not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but        one of them, what do you call it? 
       If        teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats        vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes, I think all the        English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.        In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by        truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?       
       How        can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a        wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a        language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you        fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going        on. 
       
English        was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of        the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all! That is why,        when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out,        they are invisible.
       PS.        - Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick?"
       You        lovers of the English language might enjoy this. 
There        is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other        two-letter word, and that is "UP."       
It's        easy to understand        UP,        meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in        the morning, why do we wake        UP        ? At a meeting, why does a topic come        UP?        Why do we speak UP        , and        why are the officers        UP        for        election, and why is it        UP        to        the secretary        to        write        UP        a        report        ?
We        call        UP        our        friends. Moreover, we use it to brighten        UP        a        room, polish UP        the        silver; we warm        UP        the leftovers and clean        UP        the        kitchen. We lock        UP        the        house, and some guys fix        UP        the        old car.        At        other times, the little word has real special meaning. People        stir        UP        trouble,        line        UP        for        tickets, work        UP        an        appetite, and think        UP        excuses.        To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP        is        special.       
And        this        UP        is confusing: A drain must be opened        UP        because it is stopped UP        .         We        open        UP        a store in the morning, but we close it        UP        at night.
We        seem to be pretty mixed UP        about        UP        !        To        be knowledgeable about the proper uses of        UP        ,        look the word UP        in        the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes        UP        almost        1/4th of the page and can add        UP        to about 30 definitions. If you are UP        to        it, you might try building        UP        a        list of the many ways        UP        is        used. It will take        UP        a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP,        you        may wind        UP        with        a hundred or more. When it threatens to rain, we say, it is        clouding        UP.        When the sun comes out, we say it is clearing        UP.       
When        it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things        UP.        
When        it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP        .       
One        could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP        ,        for        now my time is        UP        ,        so… Time to shut        UP        !